Updated: Sep 20, 2021
Hello all, welcome to the Eclectic Kick. As I stated on the homepage, I have been abusing benzodiazepines on-and-off (mostly on-), for a majority of my adult life. I've had some stressors, and I live with some mental deficits that I will eventually go into, that made these substances a very comfortable class to delve in. You see, they just washed away stress, tension, anxiety... To me, at the time, they were like a cure-all. While starting this detox this year, I went in thinking, that it would be nice to stay off of them for a bit, and I have in general just been doing much better with my sobriety, but I also challenged myself to do the same with anything GABAergic. To be truthful, the severity of my withdrawal symptoms, during this bout of benzodiazepine detoxification has been so severe, that I wouldn't even have been able to have touched a GABAergic, despite if I wanted to. But, through this, I have had a massive moment of clarity, and just seeing how my brain is functioning off of these substances, is showing me what a shell of a person I have been, literally for almost half of my life. And that fact absolutely scares me. I've dabbled in substances. They're nothing new. But I usually have no issue sitting something down and walking away from them. Somehow, with benzodiazepines, I just kept coming back to them eventually. At this point of my life, I want nothing to do with a substance that can hold that kind of power over me. At one point, I definitely feel that I had some shame in admitting a fact like that, but at this point in my life, I have no problems facing the fact that, yes... I am an addict. And I'm ok with that. I've always had a very analytical mind. Science is second nature to me. If I have an addictive personality, if that is how my mind is naturally wired, then, in the name of science, I am going to learn everything that I can about the addictive personality of the human mind. I've also gained a great deal of empathy, for other's going through addictions, through this specific bout of detoxification. Literally you guys, it was just that brutal. Somewhere on reddit, I wish I remembered who it was off the top of my head so I could credit you, but I saw someone state something along the lines of this, and I think I will end today about as such, but regarding deep benzodiazepine withdrawal: "I would rather have opioid withdrawal every day of the week, and twice on Sunday." I couldn't wholeheartedly agree more. The point of this blog will just be to kind of join with me along my recovery. Personal remarks about how it is going, different views on it. Probably some of my views on drug reform, my views on harm reduction, pharmacology in general, psychedelic therapy. The weather... I don't know, like I titled it, a mixture of something, Eclectic.